Taxing the Thoughtful

Consider this an example of one hand washing the other - with soot.

Imagine you’re the government of a well known, timberland-encrusted, roughly rectangular state in the Pacific Northwest. Let’s call it Oregon, because there’s no reason not to.

You’re known far and wide for your iconoclastic, progressive, sometimes downright tree-hugging population, and like your politics, your landscape is almost relentlessly green.

So with such abundant resources of environmental consciousness available... isn’t it about time you taxed them?

Hybrid cars are great - they’re snazzy, quiet, satisfyingly expensive, and most of all, they use slightly less gas per mile than those evil, old-fashioned toxic sludge factories you and I drive. Or if you’re simply made of money, you can go all-battery and send the smug meter through the sunroof… Lower CO2 output means we can be guilt-free on that first class flight to Brazil to help replant the rainforest, right?

Given all this, it makes perfect sense for the government encourage ownership of hybrid and electric vehicles which emit little or no CO2 into the atmosphere.

The best thing about hybrid and electric cars is that they are helping to save the planet, and this must be supported. In fact, the Oregon Residential Energy Tax Credit offers a financial incentive for plug-in hybrid purchases or conversions.

The unexplored dark side no one wants to talk about is that they are secretly undermining our vital road and bridge infrastructure - and that must be stopped!!

See, those roads you’re humming along in such an eco-friendly way, they’re paid for by gasoline taxes. Which your average ‘green car’ driver isn’t paying much of. They are, in effect, STEALING FROM THE GOVERNMENT!!

The solution is as obvious as it is insulting to all that is sensible - slap a tax on hybrid and electric car drivers. ”It’s only fair”, says a made-up spokesman whom I imagine had syrupy brain matter leaking out of every one of the many holes in his head.

I tried to run the numbers to see if the new tax revenue would balance out the cost of the tax credits, but my calculator began sobbing. So doom-wise, this is about as close to balanced, even-handed behavior that the average government gets on a typical day. It’s kind of like we’re recycling money!

Does your government strike a stupid balance? Leave a comment below...