In western Massachusetts lies a bucolic county called Berkshire. In Berkshire, the hallowed halls of government play host to the District Attorney’s office. Within these justice-drenched surroundings are stalwart men and women who work tirelessly to maintain order by ensuring that laws are fairly and consistently enforced.
There’s also Second Assistant District Attorney Robert W. Kinzer III, who according to reports in the Berkshire Eagle, must be some kind of scummy deposit behind the fridge in the breakroom.
The article of course refrains from editorializing in so many words, nor does it provide a photograph, but it’s a fairly straightforward work of interpolation to start with his words and work back to the likely source - a rancid stain that attracts pests, spreads disease and emits an unpleasant smell.
Second Assistant District Attorney Robert W. Kinzer III has been cracking down on the growing national threat of “sexting”, which is defined by the Mass.gov website as “the act of sending, receiving, or forwarding sexually explicit messages, photos, or images via cell phone, computer, or other digital device” and by most everyone else by “usually harmless or at worst annoying, occasionally makes elected officials retire in disgrace”.
Having grown weary of the lack of results from educating kids by lecturing them at schools, possibly through a megaphone so they can listen while sitting upwind from his stench, he has drawn a line in the sand, firmly declaring he’s “done telling them what the law is”.
Second Assistant District Attorney Robert W. Kinzer III is now going to be charging underage sexters with the “manufacturing, dissemination and possession of child pornography.”
His intent is not to jail the precocious arch-criminals, of course:
“They’re going to face [prosecution], probably not jail time unless they’ve got bad records. But that’s OK. They’ll just be put on probation and they’ll get to register as a sex offender, and that’s a great box to check off on any job application,” he continued. “You’re going to lose jobs and relationships, and you’ll spend the rest of your life as a registered sex offender.”
In a related story, a man I just made up warns parents about the dangers of fire by igniting toddlers while they sit quietly watching “Fireman Sam” cartoons.
I’m glad to see a doctrine of proportional response is alive and well in Berkshire county jurisprudence, with Second Assistant District Attorney Robert Kinzer its standard-bearer. If kids don’t listen to you, stain their reputations with an eternal stench nearly as bad as the one you yourself are composed of - that’ll learn ‘em!
As Second Assistant District Attorney Robert W. Kinzer III himself says, “Strangers can definitely hurt them, but [young people] have the biggest potential to hurt themselves. We need to make sure they understand what is out there and what can happen.”
Can your kids sleep soundly knowing that men like Robert W. Kinzer III are out there? Be sure to warn your children before it’s too late! With this misbegotten snot rag on their side, who needs predators?
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